They induced me at 9pm and my midwife checked me at around 11.30pm and I was about 3cm - I was exhausted from being awake for about 24 hours at that point so I asked for an epidural. My midwife thought I should wait for an hour to see how far I could go. She actually checked me again at 1.30am and I was only 4cm so she finally agreed an epidural was a good idea. As I sat and leaned over to have the epidural put in Harrison dropped suddenly. [We didn't realise this had happened until maybe 20 minutes after the epidural was placed. The position you have to be in to get the epidural can sometimes help the pelvic floor open up and that's what happened to me. I went from 4cm - 8cm dilated in the space of about 10 minutes. We also didn't know that Harrison's cord was wrapped right around him (his belly, leg, arm and neck) and that thanks to him dropping my contractions were about to get a lot stronger, causing the cord to compress].

I was resting after having the epidural placed and mentioned to my midwife I could still feel quite intense contractions [they were getting stronger because Harrison had dropped and was putting pressure on my cervix] she topped it up and told me to get some rest. I must have blacked out or gone into shock because when I opened my eyes the room suddenly filled up with doctors and nurses. They checked me, put me on oxygen and rolled me around to try and bring Harrison's heart rate back up, his heart was decelerating fast and it stayed way down for 10 whole agonising minutes [According to my midwife Harrison's heart decelerations from that night are some of the worse foetal decels they'd seen at that hospital in a decade]. They stabilised him and asked if they could preform a test to see how stressed he was. I consented and they pricked his scalp and tested his blood for lactic acid to ascertain whether I needed to have an emergency c-section due to foetal stress.

Give me a C-Section!

Despite the huge decel Harrison was physically fine so they decided to wait and see how things were going [turns out he was a pretty chilled out little newborn anyway]. They weren't sure yet what had caused the decel. They turned the cytocin back on (drugs to induce contractions) and decided not to top my epidural back up in case that was what had stressed him. They started playing around with the cytocin dose and a pattern started to form whereby Harrison would decel rapidly if my contractions got too hard. 

Around this time I freaked out and demanded a c-section, but the doctor and my mum talked me into waiting. I was almost 10cms dilated. Part of their bargaining was an epidural top-up so I could cope with the intense contractions. I contracted for another hour and the obstetrician advised me she thought I was dilated enough to try for a forceps delivery in theatre. If I couldn't push him out they'd have minutes to perform a c-section. They started shoving forms in my face to sign as I lay there in labour. I told the anaesthetist I could feel a pain in my right hip as they prepped me for theatre - the epidural wasn't working properly. It hadn't numbed me enough for a c-section to be performed. He topped it up to see if that would help, but I could still feel my contractions in my right hip so he decided to give me a spinal block in theatre. 

Harrison's Arrival

On the way to theatre Harrison's heart rate decelerated again and I vividly remember the nurses panicking as they ran through the halls wheeling my hospital bed. Harrison was stabilised once again and they started putting my spinal block in. The tension in the room was palpable as the anaesthetist struggled for 30 minutes to get the spinal block in as Harrison's heart rate decelerated multiple times. He finally got it in, but I still wasn't numb enough for them to slice me open. They turned the cytocin up and I pushed him out with forceps after only a few pushes. I remember him being placed on my chest and then whisked away to be checked. He was puffy, the way all newborns are at first, but he was also an unnatural bright blue colour. He needed oxygen and he didn't cry like you expect newborns to, which worried me. After a few minutes he did a big sneeze and the whole room erupted into laughter. Suddenly the anaesthetist realised no one had noted Harrison's time of birth, so we estimated it had been about 5.30 a.m - approximately 33 hours after my waters had broken. I was stitched up and taken to recovery where my midwife bought Harrison to me to breastfeed, he latched on straight away but I was too weak and numb to hold him. It took me weeks to be able to hold him for long periods. I stayed two more nights in the hospital and didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time.


 

That's it. That's how I remembered it. I have my hospital notes, including Harrison's heart monitor reading, but my own memory fails me for large portions of that night. I was adamant there would be no photographs, which I now really regret. I do have photos of Harrison taken just after he was born.

Just to be clear, the team that delivered Harrison did a great job. The OB sat in the room with me for so long watching me contract and Harrison's heart rate bounce all over the place. She actually came to see us before I left the hospital and I remember her saying 'that's the longest I've ever sat in a delivery suite'. She was quite young and very determined to help me avoid a c-section - which annoyed me at the time, but for which I am very grateful now. She actually ended up calling her boss out of bed at 4 a.m to supervise my birth because she was nervous, but she did an amazing job. Still, i'm determined that next I have a baby (if there's a next time!) things will be different. I want more control over my birthing experience. I want it be less medicated, more personal and more natural. I want to document the experience in detail. I would even consider a birth photographer because it's amazing how much your forget. Hindsight is a beautiful thing. 

Love,